AlyssaMilano-MyIdol
01-04-2006, 12:58 PM
I never knew this was here!! If I knew a while ago I suppose I wouldnt be feeling like how I am now. I dont know if you guys still visit this part of the sight, but incase you do, here's my problem, or problems i should say. And im very sorry if I ramble on or if Im saying too much. But here goes...
It was back in the summer when things really started hotting up, my best friend had just got with my ex whom I still love, yes I know Im only 16, but I really truly love him, he's the first thing i think about in the morning, and hes the last thing on my mind in the evening. but they never talk to me now, well only very occasionally, but its iddle chit chat thats not worth anything. Anyway, I still cry myself to sleep at night. This situation made me start self harming again, Ive been doing that for nearly 5 years now...I hate it, it makes me feel horrible, but things get so stressful and I cant help it. I tried different things, I ended up not eating, then drinking, then smoking, and I still smoke now, Im trying to stop, but if I dont have a cigarette, I just cut myself which I dont want to do, but i dont want to smoke anymore either. I went to counselling once...I went for about a month, it didnt help, it just made me feel worse because the woman was patronising me and I didnt like it. So I stopped going.
In the middle of that big situation, someone I knew quite well, he committed suicide, and it was only a couple of minutes away from my house where he did it. I hate him for leaving me behind, I wish I was in his place. I know you will probably all tell me to go get help straight away and everything, but its really hard for me, I cant trust people easily, and I cant let my feelings out easily, what im doing now, is very weird for me, ive never spilled so much before, especially not on a message board, but I felt I could because you are all so caring, and you listen, you dont judge and you dont patronise, you're just there for people.
I feel a tiny bit better now I have got that off my chest, its weird, all that happened about 8 months ago, but it still affects me just as bad as it did back then. And ive talked about it a little, but it never helps!! I wish it would, I wish all my pain would go away.
Something that im trying now is meditation. You close your eyes, think of an escape place, where you can be at peace with yourself, i picked a beach, with the sea gently lapping the shore and where the breeze is running through my hair. It helps so far. But when im really worked up and upset it doesnt work atall.
Im off now, I feel I have probably spilled my feelings too much for my liking!! But I will put alot of faith in you guys not to judge me for it.
Keep up the love
Charlotte xxx
It was back in the summer when things really started hotting up, my best friend had just got with my ex whom I still love, yes I know Im only 16, but I really truly love him, he's the first thing i think about in the morning, and hes the last thing on my mind in the evening. but they never talk to me now, well only very occasionally, but its iddle chit chat thats not worth anything. Anyway, I still cry myself to sleep at night. This situation made me start self harming again, Ive been doing that for nearly 5 years now...I hate it, it makes me feel horrible, but things get so stressful and I cant help it. I tried different things, I ended up not eating, then drinking, then smoking, and I still smoke now, Im trying to stop, but if I dont have a cigarette, I just cut myself which I dont want to do, but i dont want to smoke anymore either. I went to counselling once...I went for about a month, it didnt help, it just made me feel worse because the woman was patronising me and I didnt like it. So I stopped going.
In the middle of that big situation, someone I knew quite well, he committed suicide, and it was only a couple of minutes away from my house where he did it. I hate him for leaving me behind, I wish I was in his place. I know you will probably all tell me to go get help straight away and everything, but its really hard for me, I cant trust people easily, and I cant let my feelings out easily, what im doing now, is very weird for me, ive never spilled so much before, especially not on a message board, but I felt I could because you are all so caring, and you listen, you dont judge and you dont patronise, you're just there for people.
I feel a tiny bit better now I have got that off my chest, its weird, all that happened about 8 months ago, but it still affects me just as bad as it did back then. And ive talked about it a little, but it never helps!! I wish it would, I wish all my pain would go away.
Something that im trying now is meditation. You close your eyes, think of an escape place, where you can be at peace with yourself, i picked a beach, with the sea gently lapping the shore and where the breeze is running through my hair. It helps so far. But when im really worked up and upset it doesnt work atall.
Im off now, I feel I have probably spilled my feelings too much for my liking!! But I will put alot of faith in you guys not to judge me for it.
Keep up the love
Charlotte xxx