Shouldn't children be considered aswell?!?!

[sammypoo1]

Ok long story short, my parents got seperated about 2 or 3 years ago. I live with my mum, still see my dad about twice a week. Anyway, I can understand that my mum is upset, of course shes going to be, but atleast 3 times a day she says bad things about my dad right infront of me and my brother, yet the next thing she says that she wants to let us make up our own mind about our dad and how we feel about him :mad:

I don't mind if she says horrible stuff when we aren't around to hear it to her friends, thats her business and she needs to "let off steam". Its just when its around us. Like a while ago, (my dad has gone on holiday, a birthday present from a friend) she said bascally that he was lying about a friend buying the holiday because he doesn't want to spend money on us (being me and my brother), or on finishing our extension to our house.

I have tried to talk to her, I have said, look can you not talk about it infront of me and my brother because it is upsetting to constantly hear it, but nothing seems to work. :mad:

EDIT: When I say children, well my brother is 14 and I'm 17 so I think we are old enough to make up our own minds

[Pooh_bear]

Im so sorry hun. If you ever need to vent/talk im just a pm away okey:)
Huggles
Pooh

[sammypoo1]

Thanks Pooh, it just gets a little too much sometimes.

[αℓε×_рр]

awww thats sounds unfair for her to be talking about him like that infront of you .. i mean its understandable for her to not like him but its not fair on you to have to hear it. u no where i am if u need some1 to tlk to:)

[sammypoo1]

awww thats sounds unfair for her to be talking about him like that infront of you .. i mean its understandable for her to not like him but its not fair on you to have to hear it. u no where i am if u need some1 to tlk to:)
Aww thanks Alex, I'm glad you understand me :o

[*Lilac*]

I know I have only been here for a while but my parents are together and my mum acts like that aswell your dad is this and that , it is really annoying, I tend to ignore but its hard to cause you are in pain and you don't want to take sides, like when they argur, and my dad storms out, my mum goes why didn't you go with him :( And I said I didn't want to take sides.
I hope everything works out for you hun :)

*Lilac* xxx

[sammypoo1]

Thanks Lilac :o I hope things get better for you aswell :o

[AshleyE]

well I am a parent and also divorced from my eldest childrens dad and I find it very wrong when parents talk bad about each other in front of there children I refrain from this but my ex and his family do it like it is some kind of sport and it upsets my children very much.and the sad thing is next to taking them to court there is nothing I can do but tell my children to ignor it I tell them if they are talking bad about mommy then they are giving someone else a break.

[sammypoo1]

Thanks for the advice AshleyE :o I do ignore it most of the time :) It's just occassionally it gets really annoying.

[GuardianKnight]

Ok long story short, my parents got seperated about 2 or 3 years ago. I live with my mum, still see my dad about twice a week. Anyway, I can understand that my mum is upset, of course shes going to be, but atleast 3 times a day she says bad things about my dad right infront of me and my brother, yet the next thing she says that she wants to let us make up our own mind about our dad and how we feel about him :mad:

I don't mind if she says horrible stuff when we aren't around to hear it to her friends, thats her business and she needs to "let off steam". Its just when its around us. Like a while ago, (my dad has gone on holiday, a birthday present from a friend) she said bascally that he was lying about a friend buying the holiday because he doesn't want to spend money on us (being me and my brother), or on finishing our extension to our house.

I have tried to talk to her, I have said, look can you not talk about it infront of me and my brother because it is upsetting to constantly hear it, but nothing seems to work. :mad:

EDIT: When I say children, well my brother is 14 and I'm 17 so I think we are old enough to make up our own minds
Sounds like your mom's doing that so you'll take sides and pick to Love her more ,because she probably thinks he's trying to do that when You and your Brother are with your dad,but I'm not sure because you haven't said what your dad does and says when you's are with him.

[1_charmin_scoty]

awww i no exacly how u feel mu mum does that all the time i managed to tell her 1 time and it broke up in a fight :( but i think she kinda took the hint cause everytime she does it i shout at her lol! but i really hope things work out!

Luv Laura xxx

[sammypoo1]

Sounds like your mom's doing that so you'll take sides and pick to Love her more ,because she probably thinks he's trying to do that when You and your Brother are with your dad,but I'm not sure because you haven't said what your dad does and says when you's are with him.
I don't see my dad that much, well ok I see him say twice three times a week but its only usually for 10 or 15 minutes at a time. Even when he is round he is always in the same room as my mum so he doesn't say anything.

[sammypoo1]

awww i no exacly how u feel mu mum does that all the time i managed to tell her 1 time and it broke up in a fight :( but i think she kinda took the hint cause everytime she does it i shout at her lol! but i really hope things work out!

Luv Laura xxx
Aww I'm sorry, like you I did try mentioning it and we got into an argument :mad: It does work if I shout at her everytime she mentions it but its upsetting that thats the only way it seems to get through to her. I don't like getting stressed out through arguments that can be avoided, plus I feel bad shouting at my mum :(

[GuardianKnight]

I don't see my dad that much, well ok I see him say twice three times a week but its only usually for 10 or 15 minutes at a time. Even when he is round he is always in the same room as my mum so he doesn't say anything.
Oh,so she's just mainly mad about the breakup and venting .Your a good person sammypoo1 for feeling bad about shouting at your Mum.

[dark_angel]

hey chik you know ya can talk to meeee on msn wen we chat...about this stuf i mean :) xx

[sammypoo1]

hey chik you know ya can talk to meeee on msn wen we chat...about this stuf i mean :) xx
Aww thanks hunni :) It's nice to know you're there for me :)

[dark_angel]

totally!! :)

[BiLlYbEnAsSi]

Ok long story short, my parents got seperated about 2 or 3 years ago. I live with my mum, still see my dad about twice a week. Anyway, I can understand that my mum is upset, of course shes going to be, but atleast 3 times a day she says bad things about my dad right infront of me and my brother, yet the next thing she says that she wants to let us make up our own mind about our dad and how we feel about him :mad:

I don't mind if she says horrible stuff when we aren't around to hear it to her friends, thats her business and she needs to "let off steam". Its just when its around us. Like a while ago, (my dad has gone on holiday, a birthday present from a friend) she said bascally that he was lying about a friend buying the holiday because he doesn't want to spend money on us (being me and my brother), or on finishing our extension to our house.

I have tried to talk to her, I have said, look can you not talk about it infront of me and my brother because it is upsetting to constantly hear it, but nothing seems to work. :mad:

EDIT: When I say children, well my brother is 14 and I'm 17 so I think we are old enough to make up our own minds

i know all about that sammy!!
after my 'rents got the big "D", my mother always talked bad about my father to me and my sister........its like she was trying to score popularity points, but i kinda agreed with her, as my "father" used to abuse me physically so......yea.
but, i dont know why they do it, maybe they are mad that they are not together or are jealous, it usually gets worse when one of them starts dating again :rolleyes:
but i hope things work out ok for you sammy!! :D

[sammypoo1]

i know all about that sammy!!
after my 'rents got the big "D", my mother always talked bad about my father to me and my sister........its like she was trying to score popularity points, but i kinda agreed with her, as my "father" used to abuse me physically so......yea.
but, i dont know why they do it, maybe they are mad that they are not together or are jealous, it usually gets worse when one of them starts dating again
but i hope things work out ok for you sammy!!
Thanks Bill :) Things are a bit better at the moment so I'm making the most of the quiet lol :D

[gnulinuxman]

The sad thing is that at first, divorced parents try to keep their children as "their property." Many (most?) parents seem to have a property mentality with their children (that is, acting like the children are their property).:(

[spantoo]

mmmhh what can I say? I can only agree with you all... my parents are together but they're both very stressed (and I know I'm not helping them :( ) so they often starts altercations and they say the worse things each other... :( My mother ever tries to make me and my brothers take side... she can say very irrational things...
Well Sammy, I'm sorry because I cannot help you at all, but I hope things will turn better for you :)

Ale

[sammypoo1]

mmmhh what can I say? I can only agree with you all... my parents are together but they're both very stressed (and I know I'm not helping them :( ) so they often starts altercations and they say the worse things each other... :( My mother ever tries to make me and my brothers take side... she can say very irrational things...
Well Sammy, I'm sorry because I cannot help you at all, but I hope things will turn better for you :)

Ale
Thanks Ale, don't worry I didn't expect anyone to have the perfect solution, just knowing that I have your support means alot :)

[GuardianKnight]

Also the thing about it is Adult Parent's acting like pouting kids

[eilz7]

Ok long story short, my parents got seperated about 2 or 3 years ago. I live with my mum, still see my dad about twice a week. Anyway, I can understand that my mum is upset, of course shes going to be, but atleast 3 times a day she says bad things about my dad right infront of me and my brother, yet the next thing she says that she wants to let us make up our own mind about our dad and how we feel about him :mad:

I don't mind if she says horrible stuff when we aren't around to hear it to her friends, thats her business and she needs to "let off steam". Its just when its around us. Like a while ago, (my dad has gone on holiday, a birthday present from a friend) she said bascally that he was lying about a friend buying the holiday because he doesn't want to spend money on us (being me and my brother), or on finishing our extension to our house.

I have tried to talk to her, I have said, look can you not talk about it infront of me and my brother because it is upsetting to constantly hear it, but nothing seems to work. :mad:

EDIT: When I say children, well my brother is 14 and I'm 17 so I think we are old enough to make up our own minds

ohh hunni! i know how u feel! when i WAS speaking to my father, he would constantly try to turn us (my and my brother) against my mum (who has done NOTHING wrong ) so i dont speak to him - for other reasons - but he has managed to turn my lil brother against my mum. its HORRIBLE so dont let it happen! you need to get a close friend of ur mum;s to talk to her...or her parents perhaps, coz it aint fair of her to do what shes doing...even though she might be hurting inside
alee
xxx

[md28379]

I'm sorry to hear that, but if you ever need anyone to talk to I am always here.

Marie

[ILuvPheebsAlyssa]

I know the feeling... my parents are together, but my dad has to travel a lot (like 2 weeks in a row) so he's almost never around anyways. We're going through a rough financial time at the moment, because of something my dad tried and didn't work out as planned and cause of it everytime my mom gets mad at my dad, she says the same thing, that he ruined our lifes and that kind of stuff. I try to ignore what she says, cause I love both my folks ya know? But I've got myself thinking the same as her a couple of times. It's quite scary how much your parents can influence your opinions, even if you don't want to. I never really tried to talk to my mom about it, we'd probably argue or something, so I rather just let her talk and pretend to listen and nod my head. Or I just say it's none of my business, and get out of the room.
I could say, try and talk to your mom, but as I just said, I never did, so I can't really tell you to do it. But the 'ignore' tactic may work. While she's saying this stuff, either get out of the room without saying anything, or start thinking of something you really like, instead of listening to her... works for me!
Anyways, hope you're feeling better bout it, and sorry I couldn't be of much help
Fer

[TTRachel04]

oh boy does this sound familiar... I actually went through this with my mom and my grandmother.


Have you ever confronted your mom about this?

Here's some pointers (I don't want you to make the same mistakes I did!!):
*DONT raise your voice
*DONT bring it up randomly
*keep mental notes of exactly what she's said.


Next time your mom talks about your dad, tell her (as NICELY as possible) that it makes you feel uncomftorable when she talks behind his back. It is best to bring it up while she's talking about him so that she won't say 'but i never talk about him', and best for you to keep these mental notes for the same purpose. There is a chance that your mom doesn't even realize she's doing this. Also make sure that you emphasize your feelings, that it is making you uncomftorable !!

There is no guarantee that this will work, but at least it is a way to do so politely, calmly, and rationally. And remember, say these everything in nice words and without raising your voice! That way you appear more mature and your point will be taken more seriously.


Good luck !!
-Rachel

[sammypoo1]

Thanks for the advice everyone :)
oh boy does this sound familiar... I actually went through this with my mom and my grandmother.


Have you ever confronted your mom about this?

Here's some pointers (I don't want you to make the same mistakes I did!!):
*DONT raise your voice
*DONT bring it up randomly
*keep mental notes of exactly what she's said.


Next time your mom talks about your dad, tell her (as NICELY as possible) that it makes you feel uncomftorable when she talks behind his back. It is best to bring it up while she's talking about him so that she won't say 'but i never talk about him', and best for you to keep these mental notes for the same purpose. There is a chance that your mom doesn't even realize she's doing this. Also make sure that you emphasize your feelings, that it is making you uncomftorable !!

There is no guarantee that this will work, but at least it is a way to do so politely, calmly, and rationally. And remember, say these everything in nice words and without raising your voice! That way you appear more mature and your point will be taken more seriously.


Good luck !!
-Rachel
Thanks Rachel :) I have tried talking to her every way I can think of, but when I bring it up calmy she just says "oh I just want to talk to you kids and then you complain, it feels like I can't even express myself around you, I don't get to talk to anyone about it" which in a way is even more upsetting, it makes me and my brother feel like the ones in the wrong!