Feeling a little depressed today

[SUSANUK]

Well today is my older brothers birthday he would be 28

But the depressing thing is my brother is no longer with me and my family.
It wasn't a recent thing, My brother lost his battle before his life really began in 1988, i was only seven at the time when the accident happened he had not long turned 11. And i will never forget the look on my mothers face when the police arrived to take her to him.

And nearly every day i think about what he would be like now if only he hadn't have been hit by that car that day, He lived for two weeks after the accident but sadly the doctors told my mother the worst news that any parent should not go through, that he was brain dead and asked for permission to switch the left support machine off, which she decided to do herself, he didnt suffer thankfully. And i know she made the right Decision and i am grateful to her for not letting him suffer.

But my memories of him are fading i know that it has been 17 yrs but i still have some good memories of the things we used to get up to but they are only bits and peices. I miss him so much and wish he was here but i know that he is looking out for me, i know that not many people believe in that sort of thing but over the years i have been hit by two cars and survived so i know he is doing what he used to do which is look out for me.

But that is my depressing thing he isn't here to enjoy life with me.

I am sorry if i have gone on abit i do applogise to who ever reads this, but this is the safest place i know to share this type of thing.

Thank you

susan x

[Ryebeach]

Susan,

I'm very sorry to hear about your brother. You're always more than welcome to share any feelings you have either here on the boards or with a PM. We're here to help in any way we can, sometimes even if all that we can do is lend an ear.

Rye

[sammypoo1]

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother Susan, but I believe that someday we do meet up again with our loved ones and I like to find some comfort in that. I find that if I talk to my mum and aunt about my nan it helps me remember alot more about her, so maybe you should do that aswell :) Sit down and talk to your family about the funny times you had with your brother :) If you ever feel like you need to talk to someone I'm here,

Sammy :o

[SUSANUK]

Thanks guys,

But my mam dosen't like anyone talking about it, and i respect that. It must be hard losing your first born, i prefer to talk to other people about it, it helps me cope with things if you get what i mean.

thanks for the advice though i really appreciate it, and also thanks for lending an ear :D

love sue x

[Lisalou]

You know what Sue I think your right I think that your brother is watching out for you. he is your "gaurdian angel." I know how you feel my father died when I was 10. I now have a step dad but it's not the same. (and I'm 34) But I think of my dad as someone who is watching out for me and when he's not watching me he's playing golf. But hold on to those memories that you have and your right they do fade, but the good thing is that when times get tough we have those good memories to get us through. When my dad died my grandad gave me good advice he said, "live your life to make him proud, honor his name." And I do. :) Your brother is watching over you, the best you can do is live your life to the fullest and make him proud. Hang in there!!

[GuardianKnight]

No need to apologize :(

[eilz7]

aww susan...dont ever apologise for saying how you are feeling. theres nothing wrong with it. thats what we're here for!! to listen and offer support when you need it.
as for advice, the only thing i can probably offer is whenever you are sad, cry. dont bottle things up. and when ur feeling really down, just think of all the happy times you shared with your brother. or look at funny photographs of him. it'll make you smile i promise.
alee
xxx

[cains]

Thanks guys,

But my mam dosen't like anyone talking about it, and i respect that. It must be hard losing your first born, i prefer to talk to other people about it, it helps me cope with things if you get what i mean.

thanks for the advice though i really appreciate it, and also thanks for lending an ear :D

love sue x

so sorry truely- i lost my first gf when iwas 16,she was only 15 and was killed by a .drunk driver. i am now 35 but there is still a hole where my heart should be and I still miss her.however sometimes i think i get a glimpse of her from corner of my eye and i truely belive that the ones we love that we think we have lost are still with us looking after us and protecting us.
rupert

Ps something that helps me-I found a star in the sky that i call her star and sometimes at night when the lonliness feels too much to bear i go out and talk to her star and it often helps.

[GuardianKnight]

I think drunk driver's that kill people should get murder charges ,1st degree murder charges ,but that law will never pass because cops and polititions ,even judges drive drunk :mad:

cains you have the right way of thinking :cool:

[cains]

i agree,this guy got a two year driving ban and community service so my friend is gone and he is probably still driving.
every week in the uk you hear stories of celebruies who have been caught drink driving.when they do catch drunk drivers that have killed someone a murder sentence is least they deserve.
Ty Guardianknight you have been very helpful
cains

Goodnight Jenny wherever you are:cool:

[johanna]

hello,

i am sorry to hear about your brother, i write poems and i want to share one with you if i may.

people versus feelings,

people are hard headed and tough,
their lifes are so rough,
feelings can't be said,
they are sparkling in people's head

my feelings can't be said,
that makes me mad,
i've got so much to give,
that makes my life worth to life.

no-one understands me very much
or are judging me for wrong
i don't care about people they say,
but i know to stay strong

my life isn't the easiest, it's tough,
i keep going on with everything, but i know it's rough!


my name is johanna, from Holland/europe

and i wanted to let you know that i can feel your pain. I, myself lost my dear mother of cancer last friday..... so yes i know what pain is.....

love, johanna

[cains]

Thank you Johanna for ur wonderful poem.I am so sorry about ur mother-My mother too was diagnosed with cancer about a year ago so i mauy be where you are soon.You have my sympathy and my sorrow.
If you ever want to talk feel free to PM me. Hope you dont mind but i will also rwrite a poem.

They say

They say you are in a better place
They say we will meet again,
They say the pain will pass
They may be right,whose to say
but i want you here,
I want you to be here to hug me
I want you to be here to say everything will be okay
I want to hear the wisdom only mother's can impart
I want to see your smile again.

Somtimes in the quiet,in the silence ,i can hear a whisper
I can hear a small still voice and feel wind like a kiss upon my cheek
and i swear i can hear you from somewhere deep inside,
" in your heart and dreams i will forever stay,
keep me in your memory ,and i will never really go away."

_

[johanna]

wow, they are magical!!!!!!

thank you

i will be strong.......

gr johanna

[cains]

i wish you all the strentgth i can offer-sometimes we can stand stong but when your strength cant hold you up and you feel like you cant go on alone,remember that i am here to hold u up and hopefully give you some strenghth of my own because beleive me i am there with u in your pain and i really do understand

Rupert

[1_charmin_scoty]

Susan,

I'm very sorry to hear about your brother. You're always more than welcome to share any feelings you have either here on the boards or with a PM. We're here to help in any way we can, sometimes even if all that we can do is lend an ear.

Rye


ditto and yeah we are always here....im soo sorry to hear about ur brother
take care :)

Luv Laura xxx

[cains]

ditto and yeah we are always here....im soo sorry to hear about ur brother
take care :)

Luv Laura xxx

^ i agree with laura we are all here for you
rupert

[md28379]

Susan,

I'm very sorry to hear about your brother. You're always more than welcome to share any feelings you have either here on the boards or with a PM. We're here to help in any way we can, sometimes even if all that we can do is lend an ear.

Rye

ditto.........

[Prudence0403]

So sorry to hear bout ure brother I cant begin to imagine how you must be feeling but if you ever need to talk im a great listener. I agree with what others have said about trying to remember all the good times you shared together. I also believe we are being watched by those we have lost, your brother is watching you and is proud of you and wouldn't want you to dwell but to move on and remember him. Live for him and one day you will meet again

Blessed Be
Laura xxx

(Love you Nanna, thanks for watching over me xxx)

[cains]

Laura is so right,one day you will meet again and never be parted
cains

[GuardianKnight]

Cain ,hopefully that drunk driver that killed your 1st Girl Friend Jenny will soon ,finally pass out at the wheel drunk and hit a pole or a tree and get killed.Revenge served.

[cains]

Cain ,hopefully that drunk driver that killed your 1st Girl Friend Jenny will soon ,finally pass out at the wheel drunk and hit a pole or a tree and get killed.Revenge served.

Thank you very much.
I personally am a firm beleiver in karma and reincarnation and i trully beleive he will get what he deserves either in this life or the next.
You have been a gr8t help and i am sure Jenny right now is putting a good word in for you with the man/woman upstairs
Rupert:cool:

[GuardianKnight]

Thankyou Rupert,and I thank Jenny to,and you know Jenny put a good word for you to,I agree with the Karma and reincarnation.

[cains]

kool,Jenny came to me in a dream last night, she does that from time to time,to say thank you very much and she will be looking out for ya in the future:p
Rupert

[gnulinuxman]

I am sorry to read about your brother. I would, however, say that he is better off not living on life-support. Don't forget him--he'll be watching over you.