Upset...

[sammypoo1]

For like the past month or so I've just been feeling really upset and I can't stop crying most of the time. I think most of it is to do with my dad. He hardly ever shows up to see me, even though he is working around the village, and is staying with my gran which is a 5 minute walk. He won't call me for ages, but he calls my younger brother atleast 3 times a week. Last week my brother was working with my dad on a job just down the road, and in the evening my dad would drop him off right outside the house but not bother even coming in to say hi to me. A while ago, probably about a month or so, he went four weeks without calling me (but still calling my brother) so I called him up on a Saturday morning. He was on the phone to me about 3 minutes then he said he had to go and he would call me later, he never did call me. Then he dropped by about a week after that call, I was sat in the lounge and he walked in the kitchen entrance and started taking stuff from our extension to another of his jobs! He didn't bother walking into the room with me and saying hi, I went out to find him and he wasn't even here for a drink, just to take our stuff then he was gone!

Last night he came round after my brother had told him several times he should come back to see me, and we (mum, dad, me and brother) got into a conversation about my brothers acting up in school. My brother is going to be sitting his GCSE's next year and me and mum told him he needed to concentrate and work hard. My dad then started saying that my brother did not have to sit the after school detention for misbehaving (basically saying what my brother was doing was alright). I said to my brother that he needs some sort of grades to get him somewhere and my dad turned to me and said "you speak alot of **** Sam". At that point all I wanted to do was cry but I stayed strong and didn't. When he left and my brother walked out I did start crying and just went upstairs because I don't want my mum to see how it affects me. I even told my mum last night because I was just so fed up with him that I dn't know why he bothered coming back, because as far as I was concerned I just couldn't be bothered with it any more.

I don't think I can deal with it anymore, and I can't even speak to him about it because he wouldn't listen, he's not interested. It just feels like he wishes he never had me, like I'm too much of a problem for him to come home and see me once a week (which he never does).

Then all of these little things just get to me, like when my bf says something, even when it's said nicely I find something wrong in it and get upset and again I just cry. My new bf is a great guy, I've known him since we have both been four and we get along so well and I just don't want to take it out on him. I'm making myself see problems with him that aren't there, and part of me knows they aren't, but I still can't help it! I just really don't know what's wrong with me and I'm fed up with crying all of the time, I just want it to stop :(

[spantoo]

Sammy, I don't think I can give you very good advices because I've never had similar experiences, so I don't want to risk to tell you something stupid or to sound presumptuous etc. But I can tell you a very important thing: I think there's ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong with you, you're a so nice and kind person, and you don't deserve it at all. It makes me sad to read all those bad things happening to you...
As far as I can see, it's all your father's fault. It seems like you don't understand the reasons he has for his rude, unpleasant and unfair behaviour... have you not a guess at all? Maybe it's related some way (real or, likely, only in your father's thoughts) to the divorce? I think that, if you are able to see some reason in what's happening, even if an insane, twisted one, then you'll be able to deal with it better. Anyway, I repeat, in my opinion it's only his fault.
I think there're no words to make it looks better, when someone we love and that's supposed to love us too, act that way, hurting us on purpose, ignoring us etc. (I did it too, and I still feel horrible thinking of it). Talking about it with that person is the only way to "work it out", but if he's really not interested in talking about it, then (I'm going to type something really not nice, sorry) maybe it's better to... try to "work it out" by yourself, in your own heart. I know it's just very hard to think of such a possibility, but you don't deserve to suffer that way. It's just too unfair... it drives me mad to think of what's happening to you.
Remember you can always send me a PM or e-mail if you need to talk, ok?
<hugs>

Ale

[sammypoo1]

Thank you for being there Ale, it's easier to accept when it's not family, but being almost rejected my my own dad really hurt me. I hate saying all of this stuff about him and I feel like a horrible daughter for speaking about him so badly to everyone, but I just couldn't cope any more, I just needed to speak about it.

[spantoo]

I think I can understand why you feel that way, but I think you've not to. You're not "speaking about him badly", you're just saying what he did and what he's still doing, and you need someone who helps you or just cheers you up. That's it, you need to speak about it. It can be never easy, I guess it's really worse if it's one of your parents. It's normal if it hurts, and maybe it will hurt even more. But hopefully time will allow you to find a way to understand and accept what's happening... likely it will hurt forever, sadly, but I know you'll be able to be happy in spite of it. I understand he's your father and you love him, but you cannot let him ruin your life.

[Star_20]

awww Sammy i really sorry this is happening to you. it is sad and hurts when dads act like that..... nothing is wrong with you u can cry coz we all need to cry and let it out all the stuff dont feel bad for anything u wrote coz are ur feelings and sometimes feelings need to be share ;) i hope ur dad realizes such an amazing daughter he has :) and dont treat u the way he does coz the only thing he is doing is keeping u away from him....
Sammy dont lose Faith maybe soon he will knock ur door;) and tell u how wrong he was.

Take care,
Peggy

[sammypoo1]

I think I can understand why you feel that way, but I think you've not to. You're not "speaking about him badly", you're just saying what he did and what he's still doing, and you need someone who helps you or just cheers you up. That's it, you need to speak about it. It can be never easy, I guess it's really worse if it's one of your parents. It's normal if it hurts, and maybe it will hurt even more. But hopefully time will allow you to find a way to understand and accept what's happening... likely it will hurt forever, sadly, but I know you'll be able to be happy in spite of it. I understand he's your father and you love him, but you cannot let him ruin your life.
Thanks again, I know you think your advice doesn't help much but it really does :o

[sammypoo1]

awww Sammy i really sorry this is happening to you. it is sad and hurts when dads act like that..... nothing is wrong with you u can cry coz we all need to cry and let it out all the stuff dont feel bad for anything u wrote coz are ur feelings and sometimes feelings need to be share ;) i hope ur dad realizes such an amazing daughter he has :) and dont treat u the way he does coz the only thing he is doing is keeping u away from him....
Sammy dont lose Faith maybe soon he will knock ur door;) and tell u how wrong he was.

Take care,
Peggy
Awww thanks Peggy :o I hope he does realise one day, it would just be really nice to be close to my dad

[FarahJasonFan]

I 'm sorry to hear that, sometimes i dont know what to say i havnt giving advice to anyone before. I know how upset you are




Rachel

[~Lil~Star~2000~]

Its The Same With My Dad. I Havent Seen Him For A Year Now. I Did Cry But Then After A Few Months Later I Thought He Isnt Going To Show So I Decided To Do SomeThing And Move On.
I Started Going Out With Mates More. Going Out After School. If I Ever Thought Of Him I Would Pinch My Self, It Worked Because Then I Was Thinking Och! Lol
If He Does Show Up Wait For Him To Say Hi First If He Dosent Just Dont Look At Him, Its Hard
But It Is Bound To Make Him No You Dont Care No More. Maybe You Should Get Your Coat And Walk Around Your Friends Untill You Think He Is Gone. Its Will Get Better I Hope I Helped You.


[I Have To Pinch My Self Now...Im Thinking Of My Dad Lol]

[sammypoo1]

Its The Same With My Dad. I Havent Seen Him For A Year Now. I Did Cry But Then After A Few Months Later I Thought He Isnt Going To Show So I Decided To Do SomeThing And Move On.
I Started Going Out With Mates More. Going Out After School. If I Ever Thought Of Him I Would Pinch My Self, It Worked Because Then I Was Thinking Och! Lol
If He Does Show Up Wait For Him To Say Hi First If He Dosent Just Dont Look At Him, Its Hard
But It Is Bound To Make Him No You Dont Care No More. Maybe You Should Get Your Coat And Walk Around Your Friends Untill You Think He Is Gone. Its Will Get Better I Hope I Helped You.


[I Have To Pinch My Self Now...Im Thinking Of My Dad Lol]
Thanks for the help, I'm sorry you had to go through it too :(

[Shir~]

I know what you mean... When my dad left for the UK he never contacted me at all. Instead he opted to contact my older sister... Throughout the 3 out of 5 years, my sis was the only one who had contact with my Dad... I know that your probably craving his acceptance right now. You want him to listen but you dont know HOW to make him listen. There MIGHT be feelings of guilt on what you might have done to deserve this but you gotta realize that not all people you meet in your life are nice. And those go beyond the boundaries of family ties as well...

He may or may NOT notice what he is doing to you but I suggest you sit him down and tell him honestly how you feel. End it with an "I love you Dad" and see how he reacts... Don't blow your top. Be rational, be calm, be collected.

I hope this helps... :hug:

[sammypoo1]

I know what you mean... When my dad left for the UK he never contacted me at all. Instead he opted to contact my older sister... Throughout the 3 out of 5 years, my sis was the only one who had contact with my Dad... I know that your probably craving his acceptance right now. You want him to listen but you dont know HOW to make him listen. There MIGHT be feelings of guilt on what you might have done to deserve this but you gotta realize that not all people you meet in your life are nice. And those go beyond the boundaries of family ties as well...

He may or may NOT notice what he is doing to you but I suggest you sit him down and tell him honestly how you feel. End it with an "I love you Dad" and see how he reacts... Don't blow your top. Be rational, be calm, be collected.

I hope this helps... :hug:
Thanks for the advice, I will try to talk to him but its very rare that he has time to sit down with us