Malcolm In the Middle - Malcolm Defends Reese 2

[MMid Fan]

Malcolm Defends Reese 2
(Malcolm In The Middle fictional episode 724[153])

(On a sunny summer day Reese is wearing a gray maintenance uniform with his name printed on it. He is carrying packs of toilet paper, a can of shaving cream and a box of female hygiene products. He walks towards a rusty car in a parking space by the front door of North High School.)
Reese: (talking to himself) This will teach him to mess with someone who has the keys to all the supply closets.
Herkabe (steps out from behind some bushes): Oh that's original! What are you in 5th grade? Oh wait! No! You aren't in school anymore. You are now a school district employee. That means, instead of detention, I have the privilege of firing you.
Reese: Fat chance, you don't have the authority.
Herkabe: Well, as you are no doubt aware, the school is empty save for a skeleton crew staff and the surprising number of delinquents in summer school. The principal won't be back from Fiji until September. I'm in charge here.
Reese: We both know the principal hates you more then me.
Herkabe: Maybe so, but the school janitor won't receive any sympathy when there are photographs of him creating messes instead of cleaning them. And like a boyscout, I am prepared. (holds up a camera)
(Reese frowns, turns and begins to walk away from the car)
(out of a clear blue sky a single bird turd falls out of nowhere onto the center of the car windshield)
Herkabe: Get back here! Clean that up. (pointing to bird turd)
(Reese, frustrated, moves back towards the car and begins wiping with a rag)

(The camera pans up to the sky and zooms in on a lone Seagull soaring in the air)
(after 5 seconds of flying the camera pulls back all the way to the ground and now the family van can be seen pulling into their driveway and it comes to a stop)
(suddenly, another large turd appears on the van windshield.)
(Hal uses the automatic washer but only a tiny squirt comes out and instead of cleaning, the wipers smear a mess across the whole windshield)
(Hal steps out of the van)
Hal: Look at this mess!
(Hal shakes his fist into the sky)
Hal: I see you!
(Hal pickups picks up some rocks and sticks and ineffectively flings them in the air)
Hal: Nice shot, I suppose you think that is funny.
(Lois approaches)
Lois: Hal! It is just a random bird dropping don't be ridiculous.
Hal: Oh no! That's just what he wants us to think. Look at this. (frames the windshield with his hands) Dead center bullseye. And that was a Seagull! We aren't even near the ocean. He flew a long way to bring us a special delivery.
(Lois shakes her head in disbelief and walks away)


(Reese is is sitting on a couch in a dark room. The only light is from a TV. Sitting next to him is a good looking woman, at least 30 years old. She is leaning on him and he has his arm around her)
Woman: This show is boring. Maybe I can think of something better to do.
Reese: Five more minutes! I have to see if this guy gets the movie star or the farm girl?
(Craig steps out of the shadows)
Craig: I'm going to bed. Today is Friday. Remember we agreed you would pay your share of the bills weekly from now on.
Reese: (sits up straight to look at Craig) Craig would it be alright if I (interrupted)
Craig: We agreed, I will pay all the bills. (wags a finger) No more late payments, No exceptions! Hand it over.
Reese: All right! All right!
(Reese grabs a wad of money from his pocket and gives it to Craig)
Craig: And Try to keep it down. Do i need to remind you I'm working the early morning shift with your mother?
Reese: Is that some kind of a threat?
Craig: Just a reminder. Good night.
(Craig walks away into the darkness)
Woman: Is there a problem?
Reese: No problem.
Woman: What's going on?
Reese : Forget it. (he stares away from her into the TV) You would still like me if I lived at home right?
Woman: What? You mean like, with your parents? (giggle) I thought you said they moved out of the country?
Reese: Never mind, forget I said anything.
Woman: Wait, You still haven't told me how old are you really are anyway?
Reese: We are missing the show!
(He grabs the remote and turns the volume up. A TV commercial can be heard - $19.95!)
Reese: Damn! While we were talking I missed the end. Now I'll never know if that guy got off the island!
(He puts the remote control down)
Reese: OK.
(he shrugs and looks in the woman's eyes)
Reese: Let's go.


(Malcolm is lying on his bed and Dewey on Reese's old bed in their room. It is sunny and they are dressed but doing nothing but staring at the ceiling)
Malcolm (to camera): I'm not sure if i should be counting the days until I leave this town, or counting the hours until we find something to do
Dewey: I never realized you were so boring.
Malcolm: Look who is talking. You had an imaginary friend until last year.
Dewey: At least he had ideas for fun things to do.
Malcolm: We could go shoot some hoops?
Dewey: Nah. One on one is no fun. I guess I have gotten to used to our 3 way every man for himself system. Even with the dirty fouls. Who would have thought I would miss Reese?
Malcolm: I know. (sits up) He only lives a few blocks away lets just go over there.
Dewey: (stands and walks to the door then turns back) No, Bad idea. He is always busy. He kicked me out last time I went over. I think he is dating some old lady.
Malcolm: What? Are you serious?
(Reese enters the room from behind and hits Dewey in the back of the head)
Reese: I told you not to tell anyone butt-munch. And she isn't old. She is mature. And experienced. And Mom is not going to ruin this so shut your mouth.
Lois: (suddenly appears in the doorway, she is wearing the Lucky Aid uniform) I'm not going to ruin what?
Reese: (stunned) You're home!
Malcolm: Fine! You caught us! So we wont set the Miller's trash on fire but I know you hate their annoying yapping dog as much as we do.
Lois: You know what? Actually, you are right I do ( she laughs and walks off)
Reese: nice one! I knew you could be useful. Beat it Dewey. (tosses him out, slams the door and puts a chair in front of it)
Dewey: (muffled, banging on the door) Hey! Thats my room. Let me in! Hey
(Reese sits on his old bed across from Malcolm)
Reese: I need your help.
Malcolm: (shakes head no) No, I can't afford to have any court appearances. I'm this close to actually going to Harvard. (holds fingers an inch apart) I think even you can understand that.
Reese: Thats not what I mean. I mean actual adult stuff.
Malcolm: (rolls eyes) Reese, I don't have any pointers for you and the old lady.
Reese: No! I mean like, you know, my future and stuff. And shes not an old lady!
Malcolm: Are you telling me you are actually planning your life more then 5 minutes ahead?
Reese: I know thats new for me. Thats why I need your help.
Malcolm: What exactly is the problem? You have an apartment, a job, a girlfriend?
Reese: Its a house of cards! One wrong move and I'm back here with Mom. Thats a future I can't face.
Malcolm: You need money?
Reese: The job pays enough but...(interrupted)
Malcolm: You got fired?
Reese: No, not yet anyway.
Malcolm: You don't like it?
Reese: It started out OK. Hang out in my own office all day. Take a mop out for a cruise once in awhile. No big deal.
Malcolm: But?
Reese: Well Herkabe(interrupted)
Malcolm: (jumps up) Why didn't you say so? (pacing) He Obviously is just making you miserable to get to me. He knows I'm still here until September. Don't worry, I accept the challenge. We need to really get under his skin. He wants a hostile work environment, we'll give him one!
Reese: Just tell me this doesn't involve the monkey dance.
Malcolm: Just do exactly what I tell you.


(Lois approaches Hal who is in the backyard looking through binoculars)
(a large book is opened on the picnic table with color photos of birds)
Lois: Hal I'm worried about the boys.
Hal: What is it this time? (he doesn't put the binoculars down but continues looking through them)
Lois: I just feel like, well, I'm not sure they are ready to face the world without me Hal. Or without each other.
Hal: Honey, you have to let them go sometime.
Lois: I mean I guess Francis did OK in his whirlwind tour of the country to find a life. And as awful as the monsters in that class are, at least Dewey has made some real friends now. And Jamie can look up to Dewey. But Malcolm and Reese.
Hal: You are being silly honey, they will all be fine.
Lois: Don't you see Hal? Even though they are opposites in so many ways, those 2 have always depended on each other. I mean sure Reese has a job and Malcolm is going off to school. I guess I'm just afraid when they realize they are really on their own they they will regress into social outcasts. I mean how much confidence does Malcolm really have without knowing Reese's fists are backing him up? And how many times has Malcolm kept Reese from setting himself on fire?
Hal: You are over thinking this honey. Where is that damn bird?
Lois: I mean they are in there right now plotting something horrible. I don't even know if they are plotting with each other or against each other this time, but it doesn't matter because either way I don't even have it in me to stop them. I'm just happy to see them together one last time.
Hal: Thats sweet honey.
(Lois walks away)
(Hal continues scanning the sky)
(Dewey approaches)
Dewey: Stupid Reese and stupid Malcolm won't even let me in my own room. They are in there(interrupted)
Hal (puts down the binoculars for the first time and looks at Dewey): Dewey! For the 100th time?
Dewey: I know! Don't snitch unless asked to snitch.
Hal: Good! (looks back into the binoculars) Besides, your mother is already all over this one.


(Herkabe is frustrated trying various keys on a large key ring and can't get into his office.)
(Reese approaches from behind)
Reese: (smiling) What's the matter Lionel?
Herkabe: That's Mr. Herkabe to you. I demand respect.
Reese: Because I'm a Periplaneta Americana compared to you?
Herkabe: That's right, you are a pest. Now scurry off before I hit you with my shoe.
Reese: It is funny the way the hierarchy of respect works. There is always someone above you. Like this person! (he takes a photo out of his pocket with an image of a contestant from the Miss Tri-county pageant) Why I do believe that is the wife of a member of the school board you are kissing!
Herkabe: Where did you find that? Have you been in my office?
Reese: It is funny what you can do with a few tools and a little know how. It turns out a local locksmith loathes you almost as much as I do. You sure do have a way of vexing people.
Herkabe: Ever since the SAT scandal 3 years ago the entrance to all of the administrative offices are under video surveillance (points to a camera on the hallway wall).
Reese: It was a risk, I know. But now I have enough dirt to bury you. Let's parley.
Herkabe: Thats breaking and entering! Wait a minute. Who taught you the word hierarchy? Where is he?
Reese: What are you talking about? Nobody here but you and me.
Herkabe: AHA! What's this? (Herkabe snatches a paper Reese was hiding in the palm of his hand) A script? He moves fast. All right straight to the hardball round. We'll meet and exchange items. One surveillance tape, the pictures of you drooling at your desk, a notarized certificate that you did in fact complete my history class, which will end the official inquiry, and a review with my signature that says during the principals absence you were a satisfactory employee. In exchange, the key to my office, that picture (points to Reese's pocket) and the entire contents of my bottom left file drawer. Undisturbed. Ask Malcolm to come down out of his ivory tower to join us at this meeting as well. I have a retraction written for my letter of recommendation that he might want to see.
Reese: He'll be there.
Herkabe: And this has no bearing on the fact that I'm still in charge here. Lucy the lunch lady went to the emergency room. It seems with yesterday's tuna casserole she poisoned herself and a few of the other miscreants that inhabit this school. In addition to your other duties you are now assistant cafeteria aid until further notice. Report to Carlotta right away. She is in charge of the kitchen now.
Reese: But she doesn't even speak English!
Herkabe: I'm sure the two of you will work something out.


(Malcolm and Reese on the red couch)
Malcolm: He put you in the kitchen? Thats perfect. Your cooking can be our secret weapon.
Reese: How is that going to help?
Malcolm: This is what I want you to do. Forget whatever was on the menu. From now on Reese specials every day. I mean the good kind.
Reese: Did you ever go to our high school cafeteria? They don't even serve food.
Malcolm: Just do it. I have a plan. And tell him I'll meet him in 2 weeks at the school cafeteria for the exchange.
Reese: Well I can't create gourmet meals out of trash.
Malcolm: Thats easy. All the school deliveries come from a mega-corporation, you just need the right numbers and you can get anything. Just tell him you need him to sign for some cleaning supplies. It shouldn't be hard to alter....be cool.
(Lois enters from outside with a bag of groceries)
Lois: Watching TV?
Malcolm and Reese: Yes
Lois: I hope you boys appreciate it. How many brothers get to spend time watching TV together?
(Lois passes into the kitchen)
Malcolm: All of them?
Malcolm(to camera): where does she come up with this stuff?


(in the school kitchen Reese is slaving over some ovens while Carlotta files her nails)
(Herkabe enters and glances around)
Herkabe: Strange, the cafeteria seems unusually full. You would think eating here most of there year would encourage them to avoid summer school in the first place.
(in the distance, diners can be seen seeming to actually enjoy themselves)
Herkabe: Congratulations you have set a school record. 3 consecutive days without a lunchtime rush at the nurse's office. I'm amazed you learned how to turn the nob on the ovens. You should be proud.
(Herkabe begins to walk away)
Reese (under breath): Maybe I could do everyone else a favor and send you to the nurse's office.
Herkabe: (turns back) You may think Malcolm will protect you, but just remember, soon he will be gone and you will be under my heel like the cockroach you really are. You had better stay on my good side.
(Reese redoubles his cooking activities)
(Herkabe walks away)


(Hal is in the backyard hiding behind trash cans. He is holding a rope that connects to an open hinged lid on a crate in the middle of the yard. Several lines of birdseed cross the yard and converge on the crate, which has a large mound of birdseed in it.)
(Malcolm walks by)
Hal: get down son!
(pulls him behind the trash cans)
Malcolm: What are we doing?
Hal: That bird has been back every day to make a mess. It is taunting me.
Malcolm: There are plenty of birds around here. Any of them could have made a mess.
(Various Pigeons, Crows and others can be seen on the roof, fence, nearby trees and sitting on the van)
Hal: I don't care about those. These are his minions. I have to capture the leader, to send a message. I think they will all get the message loud and clear when I drive that Seagull all the way back to the coast!
Malcolm: Thats insane Dad! Did you ever think maybe it isn't an evil plot and all the birds are just attracted to the birdseed?
Hal: Malcolm, if you don't have anything useful to say then...
(Malcolm stares at Hal)
Hal: OK, OK, so you are right maybe I need to rethink this plan.
Malcolm: Thats all I'm saying.
(Malcolm turns and enters the house)
Hal: But I'm still getting rid of these birds.



(Dewey is laying on Reese's old bed)
(Malcolm quickly walks in and closes the door)
Malcolm: Dewey!
(Malcolm sits on his own bed)
Malcolm: I finally thought of something fun we can do together.
Dewey: Well you can forget it, I have finally learned my lesson.
Malcolm: What are you talking about?
Dewey: (sits up facing Malcolm across the isle) You really think I don't know you and Reese are planning something? Now suddenly you need me at the last minute? Let me guess you need someone else to be the patsy when the police show up. Or maybe you are going for an old standby and you simply need someone test out your new atomic wedgie techniques on. Maybe you will go for the novelty of severe emotional trauma that doesn't leave any marks. Whatever it is leave me out of it.
Malcolm: Dewey, it isn't like that. Look I know sometimes we do stuff like that to you. But thats just for fun, this is serious.
Dewey: Ya, lots of fun.
Malcolm: I mean it. I'm asking as a brother. It isn't for me, Reese needs our help. It concerns your future too. Besides, it will be fun.
Dewey: I don't believe you.
Malcolm: Look, I'll tell you everything because I know you are the only one in this family that can keep a secret. Reese doesn't even know the plan.
Dewey: What do you take me for? Don't waste my time trying to butter me up. If you really want my help just tell me what's really going on and we'll take it from there.

continued next post.....

[MMid Fan]

(Hal is driving the van down the road. Large buckets of birdseed are mounted on the roof rack. He has the drivers side window open and is dropping a trail of birdseed out the window with his left hand.)


(in the school cafeteria Herkabe is standing with Malcolm. Reese is off in the distance behind a counter cooking with a white chef hat and apron on)
Herkabe: So we meet again.
Malcolm: I think this will be the last time.
Herkabe: Don't be smug. Arrogance will be your undoing.
Malcolm: Actually, I think lack of confidence is usually what does me in. It seems I'm finally moving past my flaws. You however, take petty vindictiveness to a whole new level. With the amount of time and energy you put into massaging your own ego, I'm surprised you have the ability to even function as a supposedly responsible administrator.
Herkabe: Don't try to psychoanalyze me. You have no idea the depths to which I will sink to get my point across to you. I once dated Ms. Edmund for six months just to get even with her younger sister.
Malcolm: Old Ms. Edmund, the librarian?
Herkabe: Yes, and that was before her corrective surgery.
Malcolm: Well, nothing you would do could surprise me. I guess you could say I'm ready for anything.
Herkabe: There is that arrogance again. Somehow I doubt you are prepared to see your future go up in a puff of smoke.
Malcolm: You really would destroy my college career if you could, wouldn't you? Just for this petty feud.
Herkabe: Don't judge me! You're the one who needs a lesson. From the first day we met I knew it was up to me to put you in your place. Your intellect is all that you have and you show complete contempt for anyone who surpasses it.
Malcolm: I'm rubber and you're glue. Whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you!
Herkabe: Enough of this frivolous drivel! You have the key to my office, lets make the exchange there. I've had quite enough of using the supply closet as an office.
Malcolm: I have it, but lets just exchange right here. I think you are going to want to see what happens here.
(they each pull out and hand the other a large manila envelope)
Herkabe: Food fight?
(They each are looking inside the envelopes browsing the contents)
Malcolm: Don't be silly, I'm not in junior high.
(they each fold the envelope they are holding and put them away in pockets)
Herkabe: It can't possibly be construed as my fault if Reese doesn't know the difference between a bottle of bleach and cooking oil.
Malcolm: Thats not it.
Herkabe: Need I remind you? I have the Harvard admissions office on speed dial and a memorized list of problems that were not quite disclosed on your transcript.
Malcolm: That won't work. You see, they were actually quite interested in a few of my academic awards. The Harvard Dean of Admissions decided to call me himself and ask about them. The thing is, after quite a few friendly long distance chats, I've actually gotten to know him rather well. He seems to be genuinely looking forward to my attendance. And he has been expecting your call for months.
Herkabe (aghast): That's a terrible bluff Malcolm. Brother or not, you aren't going to risk your college career for Reese.
Malcolm: Do you really believe I was going to leave myself exposed? Who do you think you are dealing with here? It isn't a bluff. You will see.
Herkabe: What have you done here?
Malcolm: (smirk) Wait for it, Mr Herkabe....
Herkabe: Who? (squints across the room) Is that your mother? What is she doing here?
(Lois walks in and comes over to them)
Lois: Mr Herkabe! I got a message saying come right away to find out about my son's future. What is going on? Reese better not be in any trouble! Malcolm, what are you doing here?
Herkabe: He is about to be in trouble. I suggest you take the one son you have that actually has some potential, and bring him home before he does something he regrets. The son with not so much potential seems resigned to his fate. And his shift isn't over.
Lois: What is going on here?
Malcolm: I sent you the message. Don't worry, just have a seat, you will see everything will be fine... (Malcolm pulls out a chair and Lois sits in it, looking confused)
Herkabe: (aside to Malcolm) what are you up to?
Malcolm: (smirking) wait for it
(Hal walks in, he has binoculars around his neck)
Hal: Malcolm? What is so important? Lois? What are you doing here?
Lois: Aren't you supposed to be at work?
Hal: Well ah, of course I was at work honey. I just couldn't miss this. Ah whatever is happening here.
Lois: Just sit Hal. Malcolm is about to explain it to us. (Hal sits) I think he better start talking fast.
Herkabe: What are your parents doing here?
Malcolm: Oh they are just here to have a good meal and watch the show. You should sit too Mr. Herkabe. You might enjoy this.
(Malcolm signals to Reese)
Herkabe: I am not going to eat this cafeteria filth!
(Reese comes over to the table with a large platter and serves an array of exquisite looking food.)
Reese: Banana petite!
Lois: Reese that looks amazing!
Herkabe: This isn't the powdered cabbage soup and eggplant faux steak that was on the menu. What is this? And why are all these people in here? Those aren't students here.
(The whole cafeteria is seen for the first time, it is full with people enjoying themselves)
Hal: Reese this is delicious!
(Reese smiling)
Reese: Thanks Malcolm. I almost forgot how much more fun cooking is then scrubbing the bathrooms.
Malcolm: I was hoping you would feel that way.
Malcolm (to camera): I really, really was.
Herkabe: So he likes to cook. I suppose that is the joke on me! I accidentally gave him something to do he enjoyed for the past 2 weeks. It doesn't matter. You are hereby immediately banished from the kitchen, go find your mop. (points to the exit)
(Reese immediately looks upset)
Reese: Oh!
Malcolm: That isn't going to matter anymore.
(Hal and Lois look confused)
(Malcolm follows Herkabe who walks over to a register)
Herkabe: Wait a minute the school must be losing money on this kind of a meal, where are the receipts I have to figure out how much(interrupted)
Malcolm: Actually, you don't have to do those calculations. North High has been serving free lunch for the past 2 weeks. Some flyer's even went out to local businesses.
Herkabe: The budget! How much did all this cost?
Malcolm: Lets just say, the principal might want to have a word with you when he gets back.
Malcolm (to camera): or 8, 768 words
Malcolm: I always thought you were too pedantic, but apparently that only applies to your teaching method, not to mundane paper work that you sign. Exactly how many mops do you think a janitor really needs?
Herkabe: OH! Malcolm, I'm disappointed in you. This has accomplished nothing! As acting school sanitation head, Reese's signatures are on those order forms right next to mine! (loudly pointing at Reese)You have just ruined his pathetic meaningless existence worse then anything he could have done himself. It is obvious he needs this job. I'm going to make his life a living hell, and I'll be thinking of you for every second of it!
(Lois gets up and comes over followed by Reese)
(Hal obliviously continues eating)
Lois: Malcolm, what have you done to your brother?
Herkabe: At best, if your phony dean story turns out true, you and I have a draw.
Malcolm: Oh, it is true
Herkabe: At worst you have you just destroyed both your brother and yourself. Come with me while I make the phone call if you want, I'm sure the look on your face as your future slips between your fingers will magnify the thrill.
Lois: Malcolm!
Reese : What kind of plan is this?
Malcolm: wait for it
(Herkabe smiling)
Malcolm: (looks around) Here it is! ...3...2...1...
(one of the mystery diners comes up behind them and taps Reese on the shoulder, he is dressed in a suit and tie)
diner: Excuse me. You are Reese correct?
Reese: Yes?
diner: I just wanted to let you know, the paper work is done. I signed off on all of it. Your lobster bisque clinched it, you are in. And how ever did you suspend chocolate moose inside of Jell-O. A work of art! I look forward to seeing you at The Institute.
(diner shakes Reese's hand and quickly exits the building. An entourage of people in formal dress get up from a table and join him in leaving, one waves another nods)
Herkabe: what is this all about?
Lois: Malcolm what have you done?
Malcolm: It's the administration from the Tri-County Culinary Institute. It turns out that people like the deans of Ivy League institutions have connections throughout academia. What do you know? After the show Reese put on all week he has now just been confirmed to have a full scholarship and a paying internship teaching beginners.
Lois: Thats amazing!
Malcolm: You should be happy Mr. Herkabe. North High's financial generosity has propelled a struggling alumni out of this dump and into higher education. We'll leave you to figure out how to make that a line item on the school budget.
(Herkabe stands stunned)
Reese: Institute? You are sending me to an institution? But I'm not crazy I swear! (wields a spatula) They won't get me without a fight!
Malcolm: Reese, relax. It is a place where you get to cook all day and they are going to pay you for it.
Reese: Oh! Sweet.
(Herkabe still stands speachless)
Malcolm: you are going to have to find some other family to take out your frustrations on. Lionel.
Malcolm: You mess with one of us, you get the whole family.
Malcolm: Oh, and I said I wasn't in junior high. I don't believe you have met my other brother who is. I still have plenty of dirt on you. He gets a free pass for the next 4 years. Got it?
(Malcolm points to a far corner of the room for several seconds)
(Out of nowhere, Dewey appears there and jumps up on a table screaming)
Dewey: Food fight!
(Commotion starts around the room and some people are seen getting out of their seats. One obscured figure is seen running around the room and a screeching sound is heard. Suddenly it is clear, it is Hanson running down the isles making a motorcycle noise with Chad piggybacked and whacking people with food as he passes by. The Buseys commence a relentless assault on everyone in the room, excluding Malcolm who stands there simply nodding approvingly)


(A wide shot outside view of the school exit is seen, with no one in sight. Suddenly the doors burst open and many people are seen running out of the exit. Many of this group mill about attempting to clean themselves and each other and get various foods and sauces off their clothes and hair. After 10 seconds the camera pans slightly and now the family van can be seen were Hal parked it, in a handicapped space right next to the door the group has just exited. A few seconds later the entire group scatters running in every direction as bird droppings bombard the area.)



(back inside, Herkabe is staggering to the cafeteria exit. He is covered in various foods and sauces)
(Everyone else except Malcolm's family is gone. Dewey and Malcolm are grinning ear to ear everyone else looks stunned)
(the cafeteria is in a shambles, Malcolm is standing at a distance, spotless, the only person not covered in food)
Malcolm(aside to Herkabe as he walks away): Oh and since you are going to be here alone to take the fall, I might as well be a sport and let you know I had a few Reese specials for plan B just in case this didn't quite work out.
Malcolm(to camera): not the good kind!
Malcolm(to Herkabe)Don't ask questions, just don't turn on the lights in your office, or the air conditioner in the teacher's lounge. and make sure you check all the tapes on the school audiovisual equipment. Oh, and we really did order some cleaning supplies, but you better remove them from the ventilation shafts before the fumes spread. And check the brakes on your car. Here you better take this list. (stuffs a paper in Herkabe's pocket as he begins to walk away speechless)
(Lois steps in front of him and stops him)
Lois: I don't know exactly what happened here. But there is nothing worse then creepy men who abuse their authority. You really were out to destroy my sons? You had better see to it that I never get wind of you bothering anyone in my family again.
(Lois dumps a bowl of noodles on his head)
Lois: Goodbye Mr. Herkabe
(Herkabe exits, Lois and Malcolm sit and resumes eating)
(at the cafeteria table Lois, Hal, Dewey, Reese and Malcolm are sitting and are tasting various foods. It is empty of anyone else, but there is food everywhere from floor to ceiling)
Malcolm: Well, this was kind of all my idea. Just leave Reese and Dewey out of it and give me my punishment.
Lois: Well, lets think about this. You destroyed this cafeteria, humiliated a public servant, got your brother fired, somehow used school funds for nefarious purposes, got your other brother known by name by the dean of discipline before the first day of school and (runs hand through her hair and licks a finger) got a buttery cream sauce in your own mother's hair. I think that is worth at least 4 months grounding. No, wait, I think I have to go with 4 years. Too bad you are going to be 2000 miles away and there is no way I can enforce it.
(Lois shrugs and eats another bite)
(Rest of the family laughs)
Lois: Malcolm, always remember you can do anything you put your mind to, just have confidence in yourself.
Malcolm: I think you are right, for once.
Hal: See honey, all our boys are going to be just fine, no reason to worry.
Hal: Congratulations! You are going to be a great chef. I don't think I've said this before, but I'm actually proud of you Reese.
Lois: (Lois nods in agreement) Me too!
Malcolm: (To camera) Well, I won't be here to see it, but it's nice to know Dewey should be able to cruise through the next 4 years and Reese may actually make something of himself. With a little effort....perhaps my family is not quite as doomed as I always assumed it was.
Reese: thanks! I really owe you Malcolm!
(Reese stands and gets behind Malcolm, who is still sitting. He reaches down around his neck to hug him from behind)
Malcolm: get off me (elbows Reese in the groin)
Reese: Ooof!
Malcolm(to camera): Helping family is nice and all, but I'm not going to let him hug me!




(Note 1: this fictional episode assumes a deletion/alteration of the final scene of 722 “graduation” labeled “3 months later” which shows Reese still working as a janitor)

(Note 2: episode 722[151] Graduation shows Malcolm's college path still not totally certain at graduation. Typically this is not the case. Short of extraordinary circumstance it is settled earlier, such as was already shown in 712 “College Recruiters” many months earlier. For the purposes of this plot I choose to downplay the uncertainty therein from Malcolm's perspective as shown in graduation as it was clearly just done for dramatic effect to conclude the series, and as a setup to Lois' over the top final speech, and would likely have differed had the series continued.)

(Note 3: Perhaps the real ending is more amusing, but the writers never addressed how Reese and Dewey will deal with Herkabe. With Malcolm gone, it seems like a major plot issue was left as a loose end since they both will end up at the high school with Herkabe in charge of them. That along with not caring for Reese's ending situation was my inspiration for writing this. This is more of an addendum to “Graduation” and not really a replacement as the finale)

(Note 4: I keep editing this story in various ways, but at this point I give up. So here it is.)

[MMid Fan]

These are the best illustrations I could find to go with it.

http://i108.photobucket.com/albums/n33/postingstuff/Herkabe.jpg
http://i108.photobucket.com/albums/n33/postingstuff/Justinfood.jpg

[Ryebeach]

Another excellent one, MMid Fan. I agree that the show left the whole Herkabe situation open ended, since Dewey was entering High School and as far as we knew, Herkabe was still working there, not to mention Reese working there as well. In a sense, it also brings closure to each of the three brothers who all grew up before the audience over seven seasons. Malcolm could have easily just left for college but he wanted to help Reese as he knew working as a janitor was not what he wanted to be doing in the long run, even though Reese may have forgotten about it. Cooking was what he enjoyed and what made him happy and it was nice to see Malcolm help him achieve that goal, while making sure Dewey has a nice four years at high school.

Some outstanding points I really liked in your episode:

Malcolm immediately knowing Herkabe was doing this to Reese as soon as Reese mentioned what was happening. So in character of Malcolm.

Hal looking through the binoculars intent on watching for birds but still talking to Dewey about how Lois is handling whatever Reese and Malcolm are up to. I could very much picture that scene, as vivid as anything in my mind. Hal's often got his priorities backwards like that in the series, still somewhat dealing with the important matter at hand but appearing to be more concerned with something crazy, in this case the seagull. :D I really liked that side story of Hal with the birds and the cutaway to overhead shot of the van driving down the road iwith buckets of birdseed on the roof and Hal dropping some out the window as well, lol.

I liked how Lois made the excellent point that the boys, Malcolm and Reese especially supported each other, sometimes without even knowing they were doing it and her concern about how they were each going to make it without the other, was spot on. By the end though, I think she knew that no matter how many miles there are between each family member, they'll be there in a flash to support or help, if needed.

There were some more laugh out loud moments in this episode, which were great and while I missed seeing Francis and Piama, I think this episode was right to focus on the three boys and their futures and Malcolm wanting to make sure they were all going to be alright.

Great work MMid Fan, thanks for posting! :)

[MMid Fan]

I think Reese becoming the Janitor is a hilarious plot idea, they just should have done it prior to the series finale and not left him stuck like that. Dewey isnt talked about but the logical conclusion is he is going to the same high school, and Herkabe is there.

Francis and Piama end pretty good in "graduation", no reason to add them here except for inclusion into trivial jokes. That was my thinking anyway.

Inventing reasonable dialogue between Herkabe and Malcolm (and Reese's script) was pretty hard. Despite having the idea for the story down I edited that about 18 times.

I have to say my own favorite joke is Malcolm having to distinguish between the good kind and the bad kind of "Reese specials" a misunderstanding there and who knows what he would have been serving in that cafeteria!

Just curious, on the first time reading it how predictable is it? Did you have any idea ahead of time what Malcolm or Dewey was up to or what was going on? I think it was a given Herkabe is not going to ruin Malcolm, but was Reese's victory a surprise? I supposed it was obvious Malcolm was not going to throw Reese under the bus even though Lois wonders for a minute?

[Ryebeach]

It took me completely by surprise when it was revealed what Malcolm's plan was. As I was reading through, I kept wondering to myself what could they be planning. And then when Lois showed up, I thought for sure it would be something involving her. I never guessed what they were actually up to. I think it was nice of Malcolm to bring Lois and Hal there. Even though the food fight was going on and they were getting dirty, it must have been a proud moment in some respects to see what Malcolm did for his brother and especially to see what Reese was able to be accepted for into the institute.

Side note: In my first reply, I forgot to mention the funniest scene to me, which was when Malcolm said the word institute and Reese thought that meant he was going to be committed. And then when he took the fighting stance with the spatula, lol, it was something so in character for Reese. :D